i may appear to be tough, but i’m just another human being

They say a fall may not necessarily means you will stay at the bottom forever. But they forget to mention that standing up and walking again is equivalently painful.

I tried to be tough, pretending all this shall pass swiftly like a gust of wind and the next thing I know, I’ll be able to move on. With scathed confidence and hope, I gathered what’s left and stood up. Honestly, I have doubts on myself then whether or not I can do this. Bracing myself and whispering that I can, I took my first step.

As time goes by, I feel myself lost in doubts. Supports are fading and skepticisms set in. I’m all alone now. Trying to tell myself over and over again that this slip was meant to teach me some valuable lessons. Trying to convince myself that somehow I’ll make it through.

It was so much different back then; when you were at the top. Things look so much easier from up there. Overflowing supports and admirations, were enough to motivate an army if world war were to break again. If you tell them how you’ll take the moon down, they’ll nod and tell you there’s no reason to not make it possible. sigh. Those glorious moments I had. Alhamdulillah, Allah made it possible for me to feel blessed with such advantage then.

I wish for nothing more now. Just to be able to walk again. There’s no need to offer those “of course you can”, “i believe in you” or “it is definitely gonna be worth the try” if you have doubts in me. Just save it for another day, I don’t want it.

xoxo, nadiaismadi

One thought on “i may appear to be tough, but i’m just another human being

  1. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

    ― Mitch Albom,Tuesdays With Morrie

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