I was engrossed in my current read, a biography about Elon Musk when I started having this question about my current commitments.
Today in particular was not a great day. I have been so busy because we’re thinking of moving Pod to Indonesia and was flying in and out almost every 2 weeks. On top of it, I felt the need to revive the work I’m doing to do my part in supporting women empowerment agenda through Inspiring Orchid. We had a brunch session after a fairly long hiatus. Since all of the team members are doing this on a voluntary basis, sometimes I ended up managing the event all by myself (and yesterday in particular was one of the times I had to run on my own).
I woke up at 4ish am that day to start packing because I’m due to leave to Jakarta again after the brunch. I have been having this backache that periodically accompanied by headache. Yesterday it decided to come together. Great! Hoon was kind enough to help me with the technical glitches throughout the event and once it ended, I was practically dead.
I was not in the mood to chat then and that moment after the event was the tiny window for us to spend some time together before a week apart since I’ll be away. But I was just not feeling it coupled with my back pain and headache, I just rested my head on a table and napped. The next thing we knew, I was due to leave already.
Naturally Hoon wasn’t pleased and I felt horrible for being so selfish. That’s when I realized that I have been using our time as my “me” time. And this seems to be a pretty regular occurrence, unintentionally.
I hate disappointing the people I care about and am constantly juggling baskets of eggs and before I knew it some eggs ended up smashing on the ground. Every. Single. Time. And I am the kind of person who have a high expectation on myself. So naturally when I let people down, I take it hard onto myself and feels like crap.
At this point I thought, I am not even Elon Musk! How is he doing all these?! Juggling three companies, 5 kids and god knows how many employees. I learnt that all these took a toll on his personal life and it could be the sacrifice he chose to make by prioritizing his companies, and by extension his greater life mission.
I couldn’t help but to ask myself the same question. Is that what I wanted too? To sacrifice personal needs and relationships to attain my external goals? I don’t think so. I do want to build a great company but honestly, I don’t want that to cost me my personal relationships.
So now I’m at this juncture thinking, am I being realistic with my commitments? If not, which commitment do I have to let go?
Let me sit in a corner to figure this out. I’ll let you know.